Fighting the Fear

25 Jan

fear

So I’m owning up in this entry. The other day I was reading my friend and fellow Team Victorious sister Melissa’s blog (MelissaRunningIt). She posted a beautiful write-up on her own fears and struggles based on a challenge from a fellow blogger (Running for Dummies). The challenge? To post something on your blog and own up to things that you may not necessarily want your bloggers to know about you.

Well I have not hidden my weight loss story on this blog. In fact, the whole reason I decided to put this blog out there and to expand it from my previous little personal blog, is to share my story. To be the support system for those that are like me. Fighting a weight loss battle and maybe not so sure where to turn. Or searching for some extra strength they are afraid to get from those around them. So given that this is a NEW blog for most and I’m really just getting started in this world of blogging about health and fitness I decided to share a collage of my before and after weight loss pictures and the fears I have about them.

collage

I posted earlier this week about how I was finally pulling out of an emotional downward spiral I’d been on. About my daily struggle with eating well and fighting my body image issues.  I am the healthiest, fittest I have ever been in my life…yet I still struggle with seeing the person I am in the mirror and seeing who I USED to be in these pictures. THIS is my battle/struggle. Being only 28 years old and having gotten to that point and back is scary. It is scary because I still have such a long life ahead of me and the fear within me that I may fall apart and repeat where I was. And if not, that I will spend my ENTIRE life battling this fear, this weight issue, feeling like I can’t just BREATHE and go through my day. Sometimes I win the battle….and sometimes I lose. BUT I know I will win the war and continue on my journey of health and happiness.

I feel like THAT piece of my story I’ve been very open with. The thing I am MOST afraid of is that this will hold me back from finding TRUE love and happiness. Both self-love and love in another. My body image issues have a grasp on me that I fear has damaged me beyond repair, and that often makes me think that along with other personal relationship issues I struggle with, that I will never truly open myself up to finding the person I’m supposed to be with. It is a hard thing to sit and watch your friends all find love, and be one of the few left that is still searching.

Don’t get me wrong….I LOVE my life. I’m finally doing a job that is my passion, back in the city I love, with my best friends, and I usually enjoy my single life. I am very independent and stubborn (Go figure…did I mention Sarcastic too?!). I love being able to go do WHAT I want, WHERE I want, WHEN I want. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know if I WANT to have someone in my life I’d have to check in with before deciding on things. An extra step in my daily process that I don’t have time for! BUT other times I do want it. The eternal battle.

While I continue to make up my mind on what I want and the path I’m going down, I just hope that my fears don’t limit me.

I have to say it is interesting to admit to some of these fears aloud (or on paper/blog). You think you’re facing struggles head on because you constantly think about them, but sometimes the verbalization of your fears and struggles helps you knock down an additional wall you didn’t even know was there.

So what are YOU afraid to admit out loud?

6 Responses to “Fighting the Fear”

  1. Running For Dummies (@GeaLenders) January 25, 2013 at 10:45 AM #

    Oh my Gosh Amy, you are SUCH an inspiration! I love your story, thanks so much for sharing your successes, but more importantly, your struggles. It helps the rest of us remember that we are not alone! Thanks for being so brave and putting it all out there.

    • Amy January 25, 2013 at 7:27 PM #

      Thank YOU for sharing this on your page! I’m so glad that you put this challenge out there. I feel like the more people that acknowledge that we AREN’T perfect, the better off we’d be. Rather than living up to unrealistic stereotypes. Can’t wait for more inspiration from your blog!

  2. melissyk January 25, 2013 at 1:58 PM #

    Love, love, love this. I am cracking up that it took Team Victorious to get us together, and soo thankful for it all. And you. 🙂

    • Amy January 25, 2013 at 7:28 PM #

      I have to laugh that it took Team V to get us together too. But I couldn’t be more grateful for it! Your friendship means so much to me! More than you could ever know and I look forward to ALL the great things in store for us! 🙂

  3. OneLovelyRun January 25, 2013 at 5:35 PM #

    Wow, you look terrific. Especially in shiny dresses! I think it takes courage to admit that you are not certain of yourself and afraid of failure. I do think the more heart you put into the effort to find consistency and self esteem that is lasting (and none of us are ALWAYS consistent or impenetrable), the more confidence comes to you and that makes us both desirable to someone and helps us hold ourselves in high regard so we will wait for the someone to come along. There is someone for you. But more than that, you’re always trying and growing. I don’t have to read your entire blog to see that.

    Well done.

    • Amy January 25, 2013 at 7:31 PM #

      I agree 100%. It is always interesting to me that I can KNOW these things about myself and KNOW the path that needs to be taken to get there. It is taking the step down that path and following it that I am working on getting better at. I seem to either do it VERY well or not at all. Consistency….and not being so freaking DRASTICALLY ONE SIDED 🙂

      Thanks for your support AND for your amazing insight. It helps more than you know! 🙂

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